There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
