i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
