Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
