If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dicks are not precious.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
