Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
