I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize