Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
