Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
