in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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