Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
