i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
