nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize