if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
