Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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