Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
