If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
