she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
