that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
