Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
