i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
