I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize