I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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