I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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