Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
