I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
