So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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