She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize