His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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