I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
