He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
