Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
