How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
