I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
