Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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