Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
