So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize