the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
