Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
