So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
