I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
