How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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