I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
