OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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