I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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