he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
