fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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