Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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