where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize