You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
