"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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