I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
