it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
