She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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