yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
