My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
