i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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