she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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