so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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