your thong is hanging out like whoa
this boner is exhausting
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
