It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
