The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
vagina is talking i cant
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
