dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
