My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize