You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
